As a meager thank you for reading these very words, I want to present to you the Mona Schreiber Prize-Losing short story, “Saint Patrick’s Next Trick.”
4 Miles to Lahinch
It’s a story about the truth behind Saint Patrick’s miracles, especially out on the west coast of Ireland. You’ll learn things you maybe only suspected in this gripping tale of snakes, the absence of snakes, and the Cliffs of Moher. As I mentioned, it’s no winner, but on this holiday, aren’t we all really winners? Sure, sure we are.
Just click on the image below and you should be on your way to enjoying the PDF production of “Saint Patrick’s Next Trick.”
I hope you enjoy it, and a happy holiday season to you and yours.
In all this holiday focus on the Mayan Ball League, end of the world, and novel editing, some of you may be crying out, “But what of Verano the fish, that lovable scamp of a fish!”
Well, here’s a partial answer:
And there’s your reason W.C. Fields said, “Never work with children or animals.” She did nearly complete the text on the page, though, to her credit.
It’s also now super-short, just like it was before! You’ve heard of novels, right? Well, this is like a really short novel you could read in a sitting.
So rush right on out, because there is an excellent chance that the Mayan Calendar simply had daylight savings year built into it and this is the year the whole shebang is going to end and I would feel really bad if you hadn’t read “The History of the Mayan Ball League” before the world ended.
You can even gift the booklet (let’s call it a baby novel) to your friends, family, and acquaintances, since it also happens to be the season of giving. And and AND if you give someone something they may feel they owe you something in return when the world is actually ending.
* Void on Amazon, where I can’t make it free or can’t figure out how to make it free without making it an Amazon exclusive, which is probably all my fault, and I feel a deep and abiding shame for this.
[Look, I’m not supposed to even be writing this. If I had a decent publisher or agent, say, for example, a non-imaginary one, of either, they’d be plugging this for me and I could just be writing away, editing Butterfly, a novel, which some have already called “Murakami in Massachusetts.” Others have called it less kind things, but we’ll ignore those comments for the moment. At any rate, I would be much obliged if you would just go download the story so I can finish Butterfly before the world actually does end and I spend eternity in a really foul mood for not having finished the damn book.]
I was given a review copy of this book (The Hereafter Gang, by Neal Barrett, Jr). Joe Lansdale gave it a plug on Facebook, asking people to drop the publisher a line to help get this book the attention it deserved. So I dropped them a line and got my copy. This is the first book by Neal Barrett, Jr. that I’ve read.
Don’t Judge the Book by Its Cover
So the book starts out a little like 50 Shades of Grey for Men. I say this having not read* 50 Shades of Grey.
But it’s what I imagine 50 Shades of Grey would be like, were it told from the point of view of a man.
But (like that’s off-putting, for some reason, and for some people it may be), Doug Hoover, the protagonist, has got a great voice. A great, authentic Texan/Oklahoman voice. Now, I’ve got to warn you, I’ve only accidentally been to Texas before, and that only on the inside of an airport, a hermetically sealed airport.** So I have no idea if this is a true authentic Texan/Oklahoman voice. But it was to me. Doug’s having trouble with his wife, Erlene and her unfortunate lineage (though that may only be a part of the problem), and that part of the story, the unraveling marriage, is interesting enough, and understandable enough, given Doug’s proclivities, but the journey just sizzles, along the way. In particular I enjoyed the part in chapter 6 in the bar where they start discussing Cherokee Indians and new black Stetson hat. In Kindle terms, and I have no idea what this really means***, it’s at location 522 or so.
I loved the little anecdotes like that one, and when a particular habit of Doug’s involving the rich Texas soil is revealed as the secret to his youthful glow the story gets even more interesting.
It soars, however, when Doug meets Royce, the young boy at the Hanging Judge Barbecue #7 and stumbles upon James McArthur Dean Hill, the possible cautionary tale, and finally Sue Jean, his perfect little package
I like the history of the Old West and feel like a complete ignoramus compared to the vast knowledge that Neal Barrett, Jr. slops out there without a second thought, along with a good heaping of World War fighter plane battle history, but I enjoyed the quick lessons through osmosis.
I suppose I won’t go into the second half of the book for fear of ruining it for you, but it was my favorite part, by far. Barrett captures Doug’s disorientation as his life falls just a little bit apart and I love the humor and imagination and tenderness with which he handles the aftermath. The basketball-playing (or obsession with it) and tennis games in the latter half of the book had me laughing out loud.
I hadn’t expected much from this book, to be honest, even though the recommendation came from Mr. Lansdale. But, in the end, this was a great read, and I’m glad it’s getting new life as an ebook. This is the second zombie ebook I’ve read this year where an older, out of print book that simply faded away, the first time around gets a second chance (the first being Michael Joyce’s amazing “Going the Distance“), and I’m very glad I got the chance.
* I swear.
** I also swear.
*** I really do swear, and I swear that this is the first time I’ve ever had a book crash on me. I was reading this on a borrowed Kindle Paperwhite. The future!
It has come to my attention that today is a day for giving 30% off nearly everything, so I decided to jump into the fray and offer 30% off both “The History of the Mayan Ball League” and Verano the Fish*!
The History of the Mayan Ball League
Since both are free** your discount works out to about $0.00 (or, checking xe.com, £0.00 — I couldn’t even begin to tell you the savings in Euro). So that’s not brilliant, but isn’t no price at all worth it if you get the thrilling story of a bunch of Mayan professional athletes and their league’s story? Or for the story about a plucky young fish who makes some interesting life choices?
So for this limited time only you can get both stories for UP TO 30% OFF! Buy it now, quick!
Oh, and, by the way, these stories, as well as the Fenway Fiction series, make excellent gifts for the holidays. Just sayin’.
* Except where we have to charge $0.99 or thereabouts because we have no option to give away our content.
). Joe Lansdale gave it a plug on Facebook, asking people to drop the publisher a line to help get this book the attention it deserved. So I dropped them a line and got my copy. This is the first book by Neal Barrett, Jr. that I’ve read.
“), and I’m very glad I got the chance.